Research shows that young people want trusted adults to talk to about difficult issues.

Also, there is evidence that certain topics should be talked about before children have access to smartphones or social media, to best prepare them for navigating the online world.

“So many young people we’ve spoken to want their parents to be open to this. We know it is difficult and we all worry about messing it up! The good news is that we DON’T have to be experts. We mostly just need to be that loving, caring, listening parent or carer that we already are. “

Hannah Keal, Publicity and Development, Respected and parent

“As a GP and parent of now grown up children, I have lots of experience talking to young people about relationships and sex. I understand how daunting this can be! We hope these few tips give you the confidence to start talking to your child about this really important area of their lives.”

Dr Louise Parkin, CEO and GP, Respected

Beforehand

(see list below for possible topics). Don’t try to cover too much at once or make the conversation too long. Multiple short conversations on different days are a good plan.

This place should be comfortable for both, where you won’t be interrupted. Side by side on a walk, in a stationary car or on a sofa can be less confrontational and more collaborative. Chatting while you’re doing an activity together or doing different activities in the same room eg cooking dinner/doing ironing – while they’re doing homework.

e.g. Respected being used in their school, TV show, social media post, Youtube video, news article or just a story from someone else

We have a range of resources listed below that will help you in the preparation for this.

During The Talk

You are aiming for guidance and encouragement without talking down to them.

and make it as light as possible.

only one question at a time and as open as possible.

Use silence for thinking time.

prioritise honesty and ask hard questions if necessary.

if you can (use the resources for puberty below to help). This avoids confusion between the two of you.

and ‘self regulate’ (breathe deeply and try to keep any strong emotions to yourself for now), particularly if they disclose something new.

and mutually agree what needs to happen next, if needed.

How To End The Conversation?

Having a natural ‘end’ to the conversation might be helpful e.g. taking them to an after school club.

This also allows you both time away from each other to decompress and process what’s been said.

Try Not to…

Have too many expectations of yourself or your child

Be judgemental

Ask questions that are too personal or intrusive

Fix a problem yourself

Talk about too many topics at once

Afterwards

even if it didn’t go exactly as you’d planned – you’ve done a really brave and positive thing.

It might be helpful for them to have an absorbing activity to do afterwards: physical exercise is always a good idea.

and preferably talk it through with your partner or trusted friend.

Make a note to come back to the conversation again if necessary at a later date.

Suggested Topics & Resources

The age recommendations are based on when these topics are covered in the Respected programme:

Friendship

(all ages)

Bullying

(all ages)

Online safety

(all ages)

Grooming

(age 10-12)

Puberty/Body changes

(age 8+)

Body image

(age 10-13)

Consent

(age 13-16)

Online pornography

(age 12-16)

Sexting

(age 10-12)

Healthy/Unhealthy relationships

(age 12-16)

Misogyny and Incel Culture

(age 12 – 16)

This is a resource designed for schools but useful for parents

Further general support for parents

(all ages)

Signposting and References

Signposting – places to go after the talk, if needed

The Survivors Trust

An umbrella agency which gives details about help, support, advice and therapy for anybody who is experiencing or has experienced intimate partner abuse, including control/coercion. Will direct to local services.

CEOP

to report online abuse/abusive relationships.

Childline

for information, advice and support for your child on our Student Help page

References

  1. Parent-Adolescent Sexual Communication and Adolescent Safer Sex Behaviour, A Meta-Analysis, JAMA Paediatrics, 2016  
  2. YoungMinds report 2021, “Someone to Turn To: Being a Trusted Adult for Young People” 
  3. Sex Education forum 2022, “Relationships and Sex Education:The Evidence”
  4. “Why you stand side-by-side or face-to-face: The secret science of posture and position” Psychology today, 2014
  5. “Self-Regulated Parenting: A Systematic Review of the Relations Between Effortful Control, the Big-Five, and Parenting Practices”, Psychological Reports, 2024 

If you are worried or have concerns about your child in this area, you can call:

The Police: dial 999 if you feel your child or someone you know is in immediate danger or 101 if you need to report something that isn’t an emergency

NSPCC helpline on 0800 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk